When I was in class 2^nd I’v read these line “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”  I don’t know why these lines make such an impact over me that these lines are still alive in my mind and in my soul.. so today is my birthday.. Better to say another birthday.. Which means I’v live one more year of my life.. and offcourse it means I’v become one year older.. and I’v to accept it..

I remember early days of my life and at that time Birthday only means wearing coloured clothes in school.. distributing toffees or chocolates and that was 4 in number unlike other guys who just give 2.. and 6 to the girl whom I like.. J Birthday means to escape from punishment even after making a mistake even when the whole class was standing as a part of punishment and you was sitting giggling over them.. Birthday means to think about the gifts that might be inside the wrapped coloured polythene.. To check the cakes flavour by licking it with your finger.. while that was  in the refrigerator and inquiring if nobody was noticing u…  Birthday means to make a whistle over getting the gift of your dream… and a sad expression over getting a thing that u already have.. That’s wat birthday means to me 10 years back .. time passes .. things changes .. nd with it change my view of seeing things.. but even than I don’t know why when I remember my all those days of my life my face gives a million sweet smile.. Every thing changes during these years except one thing and that is my mother’s love.. She treats me in the same way she treats me then..  and truly speaking I really love it.. I really love my Mother I love her more than anything in this world.. She’s my first Birthday gift.. She’s the gift that God gave to me.. and everyone knows first thing is the best thing..  as in case of Luv .. Your first Luv is always your best love.. However bitter that is…

                 This very year of my life is full of ups and downs the later has an edge over there.. I know ups and downs are part of life .. If life moving like sine curve then dats gud.. but when it becomes tan curve .. than there is a big problem.. nd offcourse this is not a good year of my life.. you can judge it from my last thre posts.. This year of my life is full of mistakes and regrets..  Hates and dislikings.. If I write that this very year is one of the worst year I’v ever live than .. don’t treat me as pessimistic.. nd I know I’m not wrong.. In this year I’v lost all those things that I’v  nd offcourse some losses are incompatible… It’s a good saying that the best things in life are learnt in worst time..  as a teacher this year taught me better than any other teacher..  My experience of this year help me in transforming from a frivolous creature to a mature person.. I’m hopeful that the remaining year of my life are worth living..  nd offcourse hope is the best thing in the world..

Happy Birthday to me..:)

Twenty years back in a prestigious family of Kshatriyas, there was a gloomy atmosphere .. since there was a death of oldest member f family .. There were sounds of crying and weeping.. noise and noise were all there .. What was smile.. nobody knows..!! The person who died had a great reputation in the city not only in the city but also in the nearby cities.. All were coming to show their regret over death .. but their was a lady in the house who was pregenant , the lady was deadman’s granddaughter.. she had a child in her womb.. She had to give birth to him.. She had been admitted to the small hospital nearby house .. Ladies husband was far away from her.. He was on the service .. He had been on a high post and couldn’t come due to office’s load.. So lady was all alone at her maternal place.. along with lady was their only ladies Brother nad her Mother…!! Finally on the hottest day of the year in the mid June when the sun is at its peak position .. the lady gave birth to a child .. The second child .. Perhaps that child won the first battle of life bcoz of being a male.. Don’t ask me the reason bcoz me myself don’t know…!!! But that’s the fact according to local people.. All were happy in the family and were saying that the grandfather of Lady had returned in the soul of child… All the ceremonies of child’s birth were celebrated but not in a pomp and show but in a formal way … That’s all about child’s birth..

The child’s family background was full of glory. The grandfather of Child’s Father was “Zamindaar” and child’s Grandfather had done MBBS even at that time.. At that time MBBS was considered more tough than IAS, PCS, of today.. Even after qualifying MBBS child’s grandfather had push himself in his family business.. due to family limitation.. But the philantroph person devoid his child from this thing and gave him the best education , he sent his son outside the city to continue his graduate and post-graduate studies.. That’s all about child’s Father.

The child had been named by his Father “Pankaj”.. the national flower of the country.. The cynosure of all flowers and the king of flowers..!! The child was the dufferest child of the world.. When started crying ..don’t stop before 2-3 hours.. Alwazs wanted himself to be in her mother’s lapse.. Asked her mom to remove “Dal” from “Chawaal” when they are intermixed.. dats what he is..!! He had been admitted in the best school of the city but on the first day .. the child beat his teacher snatched her hair make dracolean marks on the beautiful face of his teacher by his strong never cutted nails.. and ask him to allow him to sit in his Brother’s class… That was the first and last day or better to say the only day of child’s Kingterdon Garden period..

But child’s mother had belief on her child.. She taught her child by herself.. She loved her child very much and had full confidence in him.. After 2 years child had been again admitted in the school and directly in class first.. and at this time child didn’t make any mistake .. At this time he created a history.. He got 99% marks in all the three quaterely examination.. Child’s parent had been called and they had been rewarded at this time the real person i.e. the child’s mother had been rewarded child’s mother was feeling so proud of the child that no words can express… She kissed her child The child had won another battle of life… He was considering himself to be a king and why not..?? and so history repeats many time in class 2^nd , in class 3^rd, in class 4^th, .. the child was always 95% plus.. always toper of the class with an unbeaten, awesome record of 100 in maths always..!!

The child’s favourite sports include Cricket, Ludo and “Ghoda Jaman Sai”… the third one was very close to child’s heart bcoz noone knows how child always knew whenever “Koda” was placed behind him… He was always winner in this game.. Child’s Brdr (Pawan), Gopal, Rani, Alloo, Megha, Prateek, were the persons who accompany the child in this game..

When the child was in class 6^th Child’s Father had filled the application for him for Sainik School, A school of child’s Father dream and its very tough to get admitted in it … and like other time child again proved himself and passed the written test of entrance exam. But child’s Grandma didn’t got ready to sent him away from his eyes.. according to him child was too small and no place in the world is better than mother’s lapse . Then come the first happiest moment of child’s life .. Child’s Brdr had topped the district in class 10^th .. and that was when .. when he didn’t attend any coaching class unlike other students.. There is a photo of child’s Brdr in the newspaper with a brief interview of how he achived it.. Child cutted that cutting and put it in his file .. In the same year Child’s Brdr participated in International School Debate Competition and won gold medal in National Level Science Exhibition.. So atlast child got a role model for himself.. He always wanted to be like his Brdr.. and why not since he is the cynosure of city..!!!

Then Child has beem transferred from his old school to a new one to the one in which his Brdr is a scholar and at that time child was in class 8^th there was a change in the board from CBSE to ICSE .. child is facing difficulty in English .. In the very first year of new school child does not meet the expectation of his parents, he had been ranked 7^th in the class with a percentage of 86.. The percentage although was not bad but doesnot meet the scholaristic record of child. Again this time Child’s Brdr topped the district in class 12^th .. But child’s performance doesnot matches with his Brdrs one … So it’s a time for child to prove himself.. Maths is always strong subject of child but then he is also good in Hindi, History, Biology, and when these all combine in the examination hall its beauty is seen in the result card of child .. He had again topped in the 9^th class, But in the same year he had been declared as the most naughty student of class. He has been caught red handed with a “Chatai” in his school bag and he had been fined for it.. The child had been kicked out off class for 2 days… bcoz of asking nonsense question and disturbing the whole class, for playing idiotic pranks over his chemistry teacher and making a mock of him.. but when you are good in studies than your other faults have been forgived . This most remarkable year ends with the most joyous moment of child’s life .. Child’s Brdr had cleared the toughest exam of world.. He had passed the entrance test of IIT-JEE with a mains rank of 3102 out of over 2 lac students.. not only this he had been under 700 in the other toughest exam of so called AIEEE. But unfortunately , due to of non avalaibility of good branch at that rank he had to give up his admission in IIT.. but this time child get a aim for his life .. He want to complete the half completed dreams of his parents.. But his first target was board exams.. The child make his whole hearted attempt and once again proved himself .. He was better than his role model and a topper in the district .. This very year was most memorable year of child’s Life .. In the same year child got his MP3. He got his best friend Anurag who helped him out in getting his MP3 .. since child didn’t had enough courage to commit.. That rastogi gal was the only gal with whom child always wanted to speak .. but these things never effect child’s academics. So at the end of year child find himself with books count more than 1000 pages… since he was in class 11^th…. But he was payin more attention towards bulls eye  i.e. IIT-JEE and as a result his performance in class 12^th was simply satisfactory 82%.. Now comes the most gloomy and emotional year of my life .. The year about which I wrote most but the year about which I want to write least.. I don’t know what I called that year the best year of my life or worst year .. or simply one year at Kota.. Kota the most clean city of world .. Which has produced the best scholars of world and which is known throughout the world .. I was in the best coaching of city and in the top batch among 30 batches .. below me were 28 batches which always gave me a false consolation that my success in exam is 299/300.. I was truly honest with myself .. Good in Maths.. average in Physics … a little bit poor in Chemistry.. I alwazs remember the fact that my parents had some dreams with me and I’ve to fulfill them this thing always motivate me.. I wanted to complete the incomplete dream of my brdr.. I don’t know where I lack but during first test my performance did not meet the requirement of the previous batch and I’ve been suffled two batches below and then again.. I’ve been suffled two batches below truly I’m honest.. I attempt whole heartedly .. I labour with best of my spirits and dats why I agin everything and in the last I’m perfect for the test .. which is so called the toughest .. I’m confident enough to crack it .. but who knows where I lack .. simply I missed my dreams by 5 marks .. I can’t believe that 5 marks can change life but dats not an opinion but dats a fact.. But I’m lucky that atleast I got something .. Ilearned so many things in this year that I couldn’t learn in my whole life .. I got admission in one of the best private college of UPTU.. truly speaking I never feel comfortable while speakin its name.. but dats brutal reality.. I’m a student here.. I’ve missed something in my life.. but that something is not everything .. Now I’ve stopped deaming because it hurts most when you see a dream that does not get fulfilled .. I got so many things here that are sufficient to live a peaceful and happy life .. If you are satisfied than you are happy and it’s the fact that I got the best things of life here..!!

Writing has always been always been a difficult task for me. I often start then simply write one page and that’s it. Either I don’t have anything more to write or just because i’m not any more interested into writing. But this time I really wish to write something, I don’t know why, whether its inspiration by my brother or there is some other reason . So like most of the other decent blogs, in this first post of my blog I wish to write something about myself  and i.e. all true and factful. Whatever I am writing is directly from my heart. I need a companion who can console me and that I am looking for into my writings. Whenever I get sad, I simply read one of my writings and that give me a lot of consolation and peace I want other’s to know who really am.I .

If I have to write about myself in few words, I’ll simply say that I have an optically illusion-ed image. Those who know me well enough, they only know who I am, always cynosure of every gathering, both during my schooldays and college life. During my schooldays I was the real Bond, had been good in studies and always among top three-four of the class. I got the second rank in the district during high-school examination and that’s only because of the teacher who got the 50 rs note pasted into my didn’t betray me (kidding). I always had a very big friend circle and that too all the guys of my type, no studies during classes and our only motivation to sit in the class used to be not to allow the teacher to teach anything , We used to throw chalks and ask unnecessary questions. But these things never affected our studies. Since studies had always been our first preference and all of us used to be masters of our own topic, we all were considered good students and although being a bit devilish, all the teachers loved us.

During my school days, the teacher who inspired me most is Mr V.K. Shukla. He is the real teacher I respect him and he also love me very much. He guided me during my those early days when I was having no idea about my goods or bads, but sadly, I never realized this thing until the last day of school I made mistakes too often during those days but instead of taking any disciplianry action, he always told me the consequence of my mischievous deeds. I used to ask useless ,unnecessary, and foolish question in his class each, and each time his veins got tightened that’s just because of my mischief. I have never seen such a teacher, and that’s the sole reason that whenever I go to my school, he is the only one whom I search for. Although all other teachers also love me but its his love that matters most to me The second teacher who inspired me is my Maths teacher Mr. U.N. Singh, literally speaking I like him just because he always supported me in my everything. Whenever I committed a mistake then he was the only one who stood besides me…

The thing that I miss most in my life is my F-R-I-E-N-D-S, my school days friends. Its my lovely, devilish group that I miss most. Mayank, Prateek, Anurag, Ankur,Rahul, Gaurav, Iove them all. They all are of same nature. Mayank is my best friend, perhaps he is the only in the world with whom I share my personal views, he was the only one who followed me in kota and its him only who always used to score same marks as me in every exam and again its him only wo whom I look for an advice whether its correct or incorrect.. When the things come to knowledge, I guess that there is only one name who can beat me and that’s of Gargi Singh. She is presently at IITR, people say that she is at better place than me. and its again a general thinking but I differ. I am a man who always is satisfied with himself.. I know I am as good as her. She is there just because she scored five more marks than me. Had I got these marks, I would also have been there. I got 47 marks in Maths in JEE exam which is in no way a simple task and that too when the cut off marks are below 25. What to speak of my chemistry when I came back home after giving the exam, I simply told to my father that if I’ll clear cut off marks in Maths then I’ll be there at IIT and I got 81 marks in it and a total of 175, that deserve a rank of 2500 in the most reputed competition of the country, but here comes the fate, i never thought that I’ll not able to clear up the cutoff marks of my favorite subject, the subject because of which I was there in the top second batch of my coaching Class. I’ve studied that subject from the best teachers of India but despite of it I was not able to clear up the cut off marks.Had that been the story in Maths, I would have never felt regretted, but I simply got failed because of Physics and that’s the thing which shakes my mind. My heart gets filled with regret. Had there been one question more and I would have been at a better place but whatever is the case I treat it as God’s desire, In life there are certain cases where we don’t get what we really deserve. In a race it’s not necessary that its only the best player who will win it, it further depends upon the day and circumstances, and luck too. There are persons who don’t believe in luck at all and i was also one among them but before 9^th April,2006. That day changed my life totally, and thats because of which I wish to forget my memories of KOTA. In my heart, I have all the records of each and everyday, my friends Ankit Garg ,Naman Gautam, Gagandeepd singh ,Vijay Kahtod.. all are IITians now and me ? I am not pessimistic but I don’t get the reason why I failed ? Where did I loose and where they gained ? I didn’t watch a single movie in Kota I didn’t miss a single class of any subject and despite of it I am the victim.I don’t know the reason, why ?

I don’t wish to write more about KOTA because whenever I think of it, I get sentimental, get filled with regret that all my dreams were wasted. my brother got a good rank in JEE and my father was expecting me to get a rank under 500 but I was not able to fulfill his dream. I am not a good son.. I am again getting seriously sentimental and writing directly from my heart. I miss my school friends, my school canteen, the bicycle by which I used to go to my school in class 5^th, but that’s the rule of nature that thing which are once gone will never return.back. But if I’ll ever get a chance to wear again my that brown color trousers and cream colored shirt, tie with stripes on it, and a belt over which C.P. Vidya Niketan is written, I’ll give everything of mine for that. But again I know that it’s not possible since the woods are lovely, dark and deep but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep…..