Been Masochist – II

Scribbled By Wednesday, March 21, 2012 0 Permalink 0

Perhaps it’s a long day for me. Its 8:00 Clock and I’m still in my office. Wondering, thinking and introspecting. There is feeling of losing something, something that even I don’t know. The corridor appears empty, my cubicle appears vacant, and all souls who used to work in day shift have left for their home. Standing on the 6th Floor and beholding the exquisite look of Infosys Campus is not giving me any inner peace and pleasure. The wind though blowing hard is unable to vaporize the tiny water drops of water on my face. There was a smell of strangeness and unfamiliarity in everything that I feel and is visible to me. There is just one question in my mind, what has gone so wrong that I’m feeling helpless and suffocated ? Why I’m feeling gloomy when everything that surrounds me making a perfectly perfect sense. The conclusion that I derived is some stupid trivial reasons for which I’m worried. The fact is the problem resides in me so is its solution.

Before this very day, I assume that I’m the person who holds my destiny. My future is perfectly in my control and I can change the things in my life in the way I want. But Alas! I was wrong. There are always things in our life that we can’t change; no matter how much we want to change them.

Peeping over last 6 months, I found huge transformation in ME. Transformation from a disciplined to a Haphazard person. Transformation from a writer to a person who hasn’t updated his blog from past 5-6 months. Transformation from a person who had ambitions, desires, dreams and fantasies to the one who has not. As it seems I have narrow down my world. No LAN Gaming, No guitar, No Cricket, No Gyming and at worst no writing. These are the small activities which make my little world colorful. As It seems I have lost my originality. I remember when I used to introduce myself as a blooming writer, a passionate Age of Empires player and a desperate MBA aspirant everything gone. No dreams, no ambitions and no aspirations.

If one day someone asks me what’s the biggest dream of your life, then the simple answer is I don’t want to die like million others who surround me. I don’t want to get burn, I want to get bury and that too in the hearts of people. But Alas! What I’m doing. I need to re-waken myself and avoid getting distracted by temporary things that surrounds me. I know desires and dreams have no end and those who are reading this may consider me an emotional fool but whatever it is I just want the Phoenix to rise again from ash and rebuild itself. I don’t know how to end this post of mine on pessimism but I just wish one day I read this all and smile thinking one day I had written this piece of Paper, till then Goodbye.

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