Lost..!!

There are few things in this world which help you out in your worst time and that include  blogging, brooding over your dreams, your pillow, Cigarettes, nd offcourse last but not least a Beer bottle ,I am unlucky since I’v not the last two companions for helping me out, although I’v tried both the thing few days backs and find nothing special in them.. at that time I’m at the zenith of sorrow but didn’t get comfort by them.. nd sway not to take them again.. “Nothing is forever” is the point for which I want to write today.. I don’t know whether I shall publish this on my blog or not since I’m writing regularly, daily from the first day of this year bloody 2008.. but I don’t publish any of my writing on my blog bcoz they all are bloody.. bcoz really they are not written by me.. since I’m not pessimistic.. nd they are totally pessimistic.. how I changed so much.. I want to meet one of my old friend and really want to hear these words .. “Hey Pankaj .. If it is you.. You are not like this.. you cynosure guy.. wat has happened to you..??” nd that is the greatest comfort for me..

Its getting gloomy day by day.. I feeling void day by day.. Vaccum is what I realized practically.. ya offcourse I’ve seen wat is vaccum.. I’v seen each and everything.. I’v seen how world changes.. I’v seen how relations die.. I’ve seen how much unhappy a person can be.. I’v seen how much unlucky a person can be.. I’v witness the supersaturation point of pessimism.. and offcourse now I stop saying that I’m my favourite.. I don’t want to write these things on my blog bcoz really I don’t want sympathy of anybody ,anybody  means everybody.. because its my opinion that the worst gift for a person is sympathy. Ya offcourse its my own opinion its not a fact.. Please don’t sympathise me.. Please don’t come close to me.. I hate this word close because the worst phase of ones life is the phase when he looses the thing which is closest to him.. Don’t be a looser always be a winner .. Winners are rare nd some people are meant only to win. I know nobody knows how I changed so much, I sway even me myself don’t know it.. But some changes are against our willingness, we have to do something that is against our wish and wishes are meant not to complete, These days I’m in love .. ya offcourse not with a girl but with these three words “no, not and never” how much beautiful these three words are .. I’v witness the harsh realities of this brutal world.. nd really surprised to see, If really the world is wat I’m seeing .. I hate this world .. Ya offcourse, nd why not when things go against your wish, when you  have lost your everything .. everything means everything nd the things which you loose are essential ingredient of this receipe so called life .. some looses are incompatiable.. then wat you do.. When you are happy you have thousand of friends to laugh with you, to see cheers when you have glass in your hand .. but believe me they all leave you when you really need them .. and this time this is fact not an opinion yaa offcourse not an opinion.. I know I’v best friends in this world nd challenge anyone in this field and lucky only in this field but still feel pleased after saying it.. I’v learnt so many things in this year.. that I’m feeling proud over me.. It’s said that the best things of life a person learns is in his worst time.. and I know one thing that every another guy knows and that is life runs on a sine curve.. It means we have continuation upgrades and degrades in our life.. nd they are consecutive.

“Nothing is Forever” the college in which you are studying today is going to leave you tomorrow, the friends which are now a part of your life may not be part of it tomorrow.. The one whom you love today more than yourself might be the same person whom you hate most in this world.. Why..?? Why things change..?? and why persons change.?? It is said that God still exists .. if it is so.. than why persons unhappy .. I know its foolish to ask such question because until and unless you are not unhappy than you don’t know what is happiness..?? but still I want to be happy but I can’t I know why My sine curve has now no trough..its walking towards crest but that is present at infinite depth.. I want to laugh again.. Please don’t read it anymore because I don’t want anyone to feel pity over me.. My Past few weeks have been marked by peculiar melancholic feeling of gloom, disillusion and sceptism. I don’t know when ‘ll I laugh next but still now I’m loving it… Attachment is the worst thing in the world since when you loose it you loose your everything and loneliness is the best thing since when you loose it you got everything..

I’ve been reading Geeta these days and really I love it.. I don’t know why but I feel it that has been written for me.. I never feel comfortable in hindi books or novels but that is awesome. That is a forever book the content is never out of date.. I Know if I follow it I can’t be a good professional but even than I follow it because I’ll be happy after reading it and Happiness is the best thing in the world.. and that depends upon you in which thing you are happy.. nd offcurse when winter comes spring is not far behind .. Hope is the reason of existence of this world.. Be hopeful.. Say cheers to life and believe that everything that’s going on has some specific role in your life .. Lets wait and see.. and last but not least nothing wrong can happen to a person who is right.. Everything that happens for goodness..and that is the only thing which give me some comfort..nd now I’m feeling comfortable..!! Really..